It didn't originally work out and that's okay.
June 2022 I had to accept that going home was my only option. I had been living in Dallas, Texas for a year and 10 months at this point. Things were quite up and down with my finances. I had jobs that I couldn't keep because they were becoming too overwhelming or trying to get to work was a headache. I ended up having a really good call center job paying $20/hour. The best blessing I could've asked for. And had I actually opened my mouth to ask for help I probably could've stayed working there and got that promotion I dreamed of. Nevertheless, I decided to leave it because getting to and from work with no reliable transportation or the finances to maintain transportation became too much. Why in 2024 am I learning that I had a work from home offer with Teleperformance that I wasn't aware existed. That probably could have saved me from having to leave. If I knew then what I knew now right? But I continued along my journey of pouring into my creative passion: art.
I was in therapy at the time and my therapist noticed I was bouncing from career choice to career choice. Yes, I have ADHD. She helped me learn what my true passion was and that was to create art, and so I did that. Was I successful at it? Depends on what you define success as. Till this day I'm proud of myself for even having the audacity to step out on that kind of faith. Though it did not bring me the financial prosperity I had hoped for, it did bring me community and opportunities. Unfortunately the community and opportunities did not allow me to stay in Dallas any longer and I had to surrender to starting over.
While I was back in Fayetteville, NC I gave myself some time to rest and recover before trying at life again. I began applying to any jobs I could think of considering I am a veteran and we lived right near Fort Liberty formerly known as Fort Bragg. This job market is horrible. I couldn't even get a job on base doing the very thing I did while I was in service. I continued to pursue my art in the meantime and even picked tarot reading back up. This did bring me momentary success and kept my feet on solid ground a little bit, and as grateful as I was, it unfortunately wasn't enough.
I had remembered the restaurant I used to work for was under a chain, and one of their chain stores existed in my hometown. I kind of missed working at a restaurant and knew this would be a shoe in for me. This is where the story begins.
On October 8, 2022 I met my now ex-girlfriend. Let's call her...Fire. Fire and I met through a mutual friend. She was living in Houston, Texas while I was in North Carolina. I mentioned to our mutual friend that I thought she was attractive, and the friend did her due diligence. The friend returned with a message that seemed hesitant, but instructed me to reach out to Fire anyway so she could tell me what she needed to tell me herself. This is important information for later. I did just that, and that conversation led to Fire and I taking the conversation off of Twitter (now X) and into the iMessages.
It went from texting consistently to basically living on the phone. Real codependent shit. But my home life was so bad to me at the moment I didn't care. She felt like relief from it all. During this time I was also working on my first veteran's disability claim. I didn't know which was going to come first: a job or my claim or even a miraculous art opportunity, but I was determined to get out of my hometown again as soon as possible.
October-November Fire and I's relationship began to progress even more. She mentioned a girl...let's call her Crab...that she was involved with prior to meeting me. According to Fire, Crab was this heinous and horrible person, BUT I wasn't "allowed" to say anything negative about her because "she was still a good friend and saved her from suicide." And that should've been my cue. Her and Crab end up getting into it really bad towards mid November and I guess she allegedly blocked Crab, though she told me she hadn't spoken to Crab since August or September. Also important information.
Towards the end of November I hear back from the restaurant reaching out to schedule an interview. I hadn't acted on it just yet. During this time Fire and I began to talk about my plans of going back to school for my master's degree and where I was going. Fire is still in the service, and was telling me that the school she attends has all of these resources for service members and veterans. To me, this sounded ideal because I had already told God that IF I decide to go back for higher education I need it to be paid for, so this sounded like exactly that. We then began talking about how if and when my disability comes where I wanted to move and the arrangements we would have living separately, etc. Which led to a conversation about moving in together.
I honestly was hesitant at first, but Fire positioned herself to be a person who was honest and progressing so I did trust it. We made plans for me to come visit Houston December 16th-27th to spend Christmas together; she was far from her family and I wanted to get as far away as possible from mine. She bought the ticket and I made the CUTEST itinerary for us. I was genuinely excited. Fast forward to December 3, 2022 she ended up getting into a car accident. This changed EVERYTHING.
This accident led to me actually coming to Houston sooner than expected. Once she got situated she then moved my flight from the 16th to the 6th, in which she said her mom sent her the money to change the flight. Also important information. I was so grateful and thankful considering I wasn't in the position to be able to help in any way. So I packed my things quietly without my family knowing or realizing and staged myself to prepare to leave. Shout out to my friend Ziggy for coming to get me and helping me escape to what I thought would be the best experience ever. Who knew it would be the worst.
I arrived in Houston excited not just to have found love but to start over again and live the life I know I deserve. I felt I had new beginnings in every way imaginable. We made it to Fire's student apartments. It was winter break so her roommates were moving out, if not already gone, as were many students at the time. I'll be honest I did enjoy myself for the first two months. She eventually went back to work, and I was still waiting for my veterans disability; unknowing that my moving was going to cause a delay in the process. I decided that I was going to start looking for jobs that I could take public transportation to because I was aware of the financial stress not having a car and being out of work put and was going to put on Fire.
I was also unaware of how horrible the job market really was. Prior to me deploying 2019-2020 you were able to apply to a job on Monday, have an interview by Wednesday, and an offer by Friday if not the same day. This is a bit exaggerated but it still stands that prior to COVID job searching was much easier, and considering I technically didn't have to jump back into the market immediately I was unaware. That led to me applying to jobs in the way I was used to before, which was applying on Indeed. Through us having our first disagreement I learned that using Indeed was only good as a search engine for positions, but actually applying wasn't ideal. I then course corrected and began applying directly on websites, however I was limited because the only transportation available was the Metro train and bus.
Through this time Fire was the primary financial provider. If I had any additional money I would use it to help with anything that I could. I know it wasn't much but it was always provided when it was needed. We brought the new year in together, which was beautiful. My birthday in February? Phenomenal. During this time Fire had begun her second semester of school. She also began her process to join her sorority. I understood I would not have as much of her time and attention as I used to. And I was perfectly fine with that. She had school, her process, her duty weekends, and work; so she was BUSY. I took this time to pour into my creative passions and wanted to hop into Houston's art scene.
I was being as supportive of a girlfriend as I could, though I did begin to feel a bit of neglect. I understood all of her responsibilities but I am human and wanted reassurance. Something in my spirit wasn't feeling right so I asked for reassurance and to my surprise this caused our first big disagreement. She begins to claim that me asking for that reassurance at the time was inconvenient for her because she was busy with x, y, and z. And I let her know that I was not asking for it right then and there, but to let her know I did want it meaning all she had to do was let me know she understood, and when she finished handling her responsibilities she could tend to that. Unfortunately, that is not how the conversation went and I got told I wasn't reading the room. This was probably the first time she made me feel emotionally unsafe because this conversation was not kind at all. I can't remember the details of it but I do know this was the first time she genuinely hurt my feelings because all I wanted was to know was that I was still cared for because it is easy to unintentionally neglect others when you are caught up in your responsibilities and I understood that. But alas, we made up and continued forward.
We went to many concerts, she did really good for my birthday. February is also when I learned the VA denied everything I claimed on my case, therefore 0% disability for me. And I unfortunately still hadn't heard back from any jobs. I did want to do something major for her birthday at the end of March but she was unable to do much because of her process, and then of course because of my lack of funds. We went back to the East Coast during spring break, two weeks before her birthday. I met her family and she met mine. They loved me, they embraced me, we hit it off real well. We return, her birthday comes. She did end up buying herself a small red velvet cake from Walmart. While she was gone to work or practice, because her probate was coming up, I decided to create a scrapbook out of construction paper and used the pictures we took thus far and wrote 24 reasons why I loved her. Hand crafted, hours of work. I put the candles in her cake and placed the scrapbook on the bed. To be honest, I didn't get much of a reaction but I wanted to blame it on the fact she was tired from the day.
Fast forward, her probate was April 6th. She was at practice every night leading up to the day of. Something began to feel off because when she came home she wasn't as jolly, she didn't seem to care to see me, and things had just shifted but I thought it was because of everything she had going on. She barely kissed and hugged me, seemingly continuing to forget to say she loves me, and cuddling at night became non-existent. Sometimes she would leave her iPad with me so that I could practice digital art. One night around this time in particular I noticed her iCloud/iMessage was disconnected from her iPad. I believe this is what led me to check her messages on her Macbook. And not to my surprise, her and a "friend" had been having themselves a good ol, sexual ol, conversation. Fire was telling her if only she was single, the things they were going to do to each other, planning to meet up for the Texas Greek Picnic, the girl was sending ass pictures, all kinds of egregious shit. I was LIVID. I've been sitting here trying to support and love this girl through everything she was going through, and I was being disrespected.
I attempted to keep my cool and told her we needed to talk but my anger got the best of me and I spilled the beans and let her know I saw everything, sent her pictures of what I saw, and cussed her clean out. She tried to tell me it wasn't what it seemed like, she didn't mean any of it, blah blah blah. She tried to say it would never happen again, I could always keep look of her messages from this point forward, just really trying to plead her case as if she didn't fuck up. This led me to telling her mom what happened because I was so upset. Her mom then found out the truth of how I ended up in Houston. And I found out more about the actual ending and relationship between her and Crab.
Low and behold, she told her mom I was already attending the school and we ran into each other on campus. Which didn't align with what she told me because if her mom was the one who allegedly helped pay for the difference in changing my flight, how would we have met on campus? This was the first lie I caught her in. Once she got wind that I told her mom she FLIPPED out on me. I was all kinds of bitches. She told me she didn't care where I went to sleep, she wanted me out. She told me to pack my shit and get the fuck out. She was so nasty to me as if SHE wasn't the one who lied AND disrespected our relationship. Mind you, the entire time she's texting me this I'm on the phone with her mom. And I absolutely sent her everything she was saying to me. She even lied and said her mom said she wasn't coming to her probate anymore. Again, I was on the phone with her mom, asked her about that, and she said she never said that. This is when I realized how emotionally abusive and manipulative my ex was.
I also learned that Crab was the "friend" she had gotten into it with in November 2022. Whole time, Crab was the previous romantic person, but not girlfriend/partner. She told me she stopped talking to Crab and blocked her in August/September. And when she told me her and a "friend" were arguing, she posed it as if it were a different friend, but it was Crab. I learned she didn't stop talking to Crab until mid-November, when Fire posted me on her social medias, and Crab made a deal about it, for Fire to send Crab some of my tweets telling her she finally found someone who knows her worth blah blah blah.
She eventually came back to the apartments and was rushing me to make a decision on what I planned on doing; aka if I was going to stay with a friend or go back home. I was like that's a lot of audacity coming from the person who is the reason why we are even in this situation to begin with. She then took her gun, some pills, and beer, and left out for hours; I'm assuming wanting me to feel bad and care about what she might do because of this. Through text she did tell me she went to a bridge she likes to go to and was either going to jump or shoot herself. Another time I learned how emotionally abusive and manipulative Fire was. She also decided the next day if not the same night to open the pills (I believe it was tylenol or some encapsulated medicine), and decided to snort the pill powder in her nose and was drinking a beer.
She eventually returned and the energy subsided. I went with her to get her mom and sister from the airport the next day. We slightly talked about what happened but knew it was going to take time. Day of the probate comes, I celebrate her and scream her name as if she hadn't just shattered my world but I had to save face for the public. After her family left we attempted to have conversations about what led to this moment and how to fix it. I then learned she texted Crab her probate pictures because they are in the same organization. I made an issue about this because I knew this was someone she had a romantic past with despite the girl having been married while dealing with Fire. I also learned the initial hesitation came about because Fire told our mutual friend that there was someone she wanted to work on things with and if she came back she would want to work things out; this person being Crab. So this extra put me off. Of course I was met with "why are you going through my messages again?", as if that was the point.
Forward, Fire never stopped lying. Her line sister was graduating and she agreed to "edit her pictures". I had Fire's location at the time. She told me she was going to campus to drop the camera off to her line sister and come back. Hours go by she still hasn't returned and I see she's still on campus. I'm questioning it because she's already shattered the trust between us and of course that poses an issue. She tries to tell me I'm not her mom and she doesn't have to tell me every single detail blah blah blah. Fair, but also, you just broke the trust between us so a sane person would know extra reassurance and communication is needed. She finally gets back to her phone and says she left her phone on campus and had to run back to get it; the same person who NEVER let's that phone out of her sight. Whole time, she was actually taking her line sister's pictures. And it pissed me off because I do not give a rats ass about you taking your line sister's pictures, DO THAT. But why lie about it especially after I JUST caught you cheating and disrespecting the relationship?
Forward even more, I start working at Kroger. We are set to move into our apartment. The weekend before we actually moved I had a Pancakes and Booze art show on May 8th. Her and a few of her line sisters came out to support. The following weekend we moved completely into our place. The very next night shit hit the fan...AGAIN.
She was outside at the rental car getting something out of the trunk and left her phone in the house. I got that itchy feeling and decided to go through it. Low and behold her and the SAME girl she JUST disrespected the relationship with were yet again on the same shit, except this time through Instagram DMs. I paced back and forth for a while before I went out to the car and cussed her clean out AGAIN.
I know what you're thinking "why didn't you just leave?". I thought she meant it when she said she wouldn't do it again, and I did believe her. I genuinely believed we could bounce back, and unfortunately I was wrong. And by this point, we already signed the lease.
We came back inside and I continued cussing her out; completely and utterly hurt and disgusted by this behavior. She kept coming towards me telling me to give her her phone, and I told her to move away from me and I'll give it back to her because I didn't feel safe. Something in my spirit felt like she would hit me, and again, I unfortunately was right about that as well. She launched towards me and tackled me so I threw her phone but she continued to wrestle me until she realized I no longer had it. When I got up and she was still on the ground she looked over her shoulder and swung on me. I never saw so much darkness in a person's eyes and couldn't believe a person I loved would ever be able to do something like this. Thankfully, I came back to reality and I was able to move away so it didn't connect. I was in shock.
The night calmed down and she gave me the whole spiel about how she never wanted to be that person again (insinuating she had hit partners before which she has claimed to me she did), and she was sorry, she was going to get help, all kinds of bullshit. That night we laid on the air mattress, I was on one side, she on the other, and I just cried. I didn't give a damn that she was right beside me, I fucking cried because I was hurting. I was in shock. I was in disbelief. She then pulls me to her to cuddle. I had my head down buried in her side and armpits. I began to calm down a bit just because I wanted to go to sleep to end this nightmare. She began to attempt to force my head up towards her to kiss her and then later began feeling on me as if to initiate sex. All I could think about was the audacity; you cheat, you lie, you put your hands on me, and then attempt to have sex with me?
At the end of May she went home for drill. She met up with her best friend, allegedly, and they also allegedly talked about everything that happened. For me to see that she texted the girl AGAIN that she had disrespected the relationship with twice already. The conversation wasn't disrespectful but she was drunk texting her. It was the principle of the matter. And when I confronted this I was met with "why are you still going through my stuff" and "she was my friend first." So I told her she had a choice to make, me or her. I said if you choose to continue a friendship with her you won't have a relationship with me, and if you choose a relationship with me I'm not with you having a friendship with the person you've disrespected me with twice. And at this moment, I should've chosen myself instead.
Time goes on and the trust is completely shattered at this point. I don't trust a single friend she has. I don't trust a single word she says to me. I'm still in shock she put her hands on me. My world was so distorted and I just had to keep going. I had no choice but to keep trying to live. This did continue to cause problems in the relationship. I did keep going to find stuff to prove she was doing it again and unfortunately sometimes I was right. Whether she was disrespecting the relationship again or I'm learning she lied about something stupid, it just kept happening.
We'd argue, we'd fuss, we'd break up time and time again. I was so stuck in this toxic cycle it was ridiculous. Every argument was then met with a date, of course to make up for her rude and disrespectful behavior. There was no good deed done that didn't have an argument as a pre-requisite. The calmest months we had was from August-October, and that's because school started and she had gone on two sets of orders for the military.
During this time we were at the house and she was in the closet looking at something while I was sitting on the air mattress facing her. I don't recall what lead up to this but I vividly remember her "playfully" throwing a half full water bottle at me and it hit me directly in my left eye so hard I let out a scream cry. She was trying to console me but I didn't want her near me at the moment. I never felt so unsafe in my entire life. How could, even playfully, my partner think to throw ANYTHING at me and to make it worse it actually hurt me. As I shoved her away from me she caught an attitude with ME because I didn't want to be bothered talking about "I said I'm sorry" and in my head I'm like I don't give a single damn or fuck about you being sorry when I am in PAIN because of you. This led to me having a scratched cornea and I couldn't find anywhere to go to to get it checked out. When I talked to our moms she encouraged me NOT to tell them the truth of what happened and unfortunately I listened. Why in the hell did I lie to protect her when she has done nothing to protect me smh. I even still had to go to work with ONE contact in my eye.
Right as school started I ended up getting fired from Kroger. Back to school for us was also back to school for everyone. I was working at the customer service booth but Fire had gotten sick. I made arrangements so that the front of the store and customer service booth were covered so I could go to the emergency room with my partner. My bitch ass manager at the time intentionally made sure that didn't happen. So as soon as I cleared my line I left anyway. The next day I came in and got called upstairs and that led to me being fired. Even though I didn't like working there and already had a new job lined up, I was still pissed at how it happened. I felt like this was in retaliation to him knowing I had a new job, school started, and I was about to quit anyway.
The new job didn't last long just because I had to take a drug test and around that time I was smoking heavy, so that led to me being terminated. However, because school started, my refund check on top of my monthly stipends for my VA education benefits came about. So where I didn't have a job I still had money. Remember, at this time, Fire was going on orders. She told me I didn't have to worry about the bills for September or October because she was going to pay them with the money she made from orders. She told me to take care of the house and myself. And I did just that. She came home for about 2 weeks between the end of September and beginning of October. During this time I wasn't pressing her about anything because it was her Neo year and homecoming. I knew she was tired, she was still going to work; she was booked and busy still. Of course, I did tell her I was feeling a bit of distance because despite her being busy she didn't seem like she was here. I wasn't asking for all the romance in the world just to feel like my presence mattered. Again, asking for reassurance did not go as planned.
October comes and she leaves again for another set of orders. I used the time of her being gone to truly pour into myself and attempt to heal from everything that has happened. By this time, every argument we've gotten into we've claimed that we were going to go to couple's therapy though we never did until January. I also emphasized couples therapy wouldn't do any good unless we went to individual therapy. Do you think we ever did that? Of course not. Because that would've led to the relationship ending, of course.
While she was gone on her second set of orders, her Macbook was still here. Towards the end of October/beginning of November is when I learned she got back in communication with Crab and it seemed the conversation stemmed from a previous conversation on social media. The conversations were not disrespectful but you could clearly tell Crab wanted to see if she could return back into Fire's life. And it wasn't until I mentioned that I was aware they were back in contact that Fire began to tell Crab she's in a relationship and loves me and doesn't want to ruin it blah blah blah blah. Personally I feel she only said that through text because I saw it and I fully believe she said something different to the girl on Instagram.
After this the conversation continues for whatever fucking reason, Fire alleging that she was trying to catch Crab in something blah blah blah some extra bullshit. Any SANE person would shut that conversation down if they respected their partner and left it at that. Unfortunately, I was not dating someone like that. There was always a reason and rhyme for everything she did, except for it being wrong. It was excuse after excuse, plot after plot, and never "I fucked up, I'm wrong" with a side of changed behavior.
This turned into a bigger argument. She said if I went through her stuff again the relationship was over blah blah blah. Just trying to gaslight and manipulate me away from holding her accountable. What she was doing was dead ass wrong and she knew it but holding her accountable for anything means everyone else but her is the problem.
This argument led to her completely disrespecting me. Again, I got called all kinds of bitches. She talked about my financial situations. She disrespected me as a person. She was extremely nasty to me and I couldn't believe what I was reading. I was so hurt because how could someone who claims to love me say these nasty things to and about me. And immediately after she got on Twitter and tweets that she's single. I should've left it at that and left her single. The verbal abuse from the entire relationship was entirely too much for me to stomach. So much so I believe that I continued because I didn't want to face the pain of everything because it was overwhelming. Again the emotional manipulation and abuse came about because she started talking about how she wasn't even excited to come home anymore blah blah blah blah blaaahhh. I was so sick of it.
By the time she returned I said IF we work this out it is going to be a slow burn return. We must start therapy both individually and together and we are going to work our way back. I also said we were not together anymore at the moment. Per usual, this did not last. We got on campus and I did tell people she was my girlfriend, BUT this again was to save face because what was actually going on between us was nobody else's business. We began to fall back into our normal patterns.
On November 11 we decided that it was time to get a car. I agreed that I would pay November's rent so that she could get the car. While at the dealership she was getting a lot of push back and was about to give up. The guy said she either had to fork up extra thousands or needed a co-signer. Me, being a good girlfriend, so I thought, I agreed to co-sign the car. In a way it was for my own selfish gain because if we had transportation this would make our lives easier. We got the car, and shortly after she was disrespecting the relationship AGAIN with Crab.
They had begun texting again for whatever reason. And she was telling the girl that if they're both single by 2030 they should get married. I was HOT. Her excuse being it didn't mean anything, she was just saying stuff, and that I had said we weren't together. I'm like THAT'S when you decide to listen to something that I'm saying? Okay. And even then if we agreed to work on the relationship I don't think saying something like that or even being in communication with the person makes sense. I don't know how I didn't see by now this girl didn't want to be in this relationship but I also knew that was up to HER to say. I didn't realize how much of a coward Fire was and again, I wish I had the strength and courage to have just walked away for her. I stayed and worked it out because I was genuinely scared of how verbally violent and potentially physically violent she would get if I actually left.
This time I put my foot down on IF we fix the relationship it will be a slow burn and we HAVE to get into therapy. This did last for a while. She was respectful of that. We spent Christmas together inside building gingerbread houses and cooking and took matching pajama pictures. We also looked into therapists, agreed on one, and had our consultation. After that we began therapy in January. We brought in another year together; we cleaned the crib from top to bottom, got drunk, and had us a great night.
School started back in January, and I was in a position where I had to hold onto my finances a bit because I needed them for something else. I did end up using some to help with February's bills because we made an agreement she would help me finish paying for my something else if able to. This is also when I learned that my education benefit stipend each month got cut because I went from being an "in-person" student to online. Which both semesters I was online but in the first semester it got input differently. That made a drastic change in finances and the amount I was getting each month. Which of course that caused a problem.
We started couples therapy from January to February. For my birthday in February she did well decorating a hotel for me and took me out to eat. It was really cute because I never had anyone do something like that for me. Keep in mind, she allegedly couldn't get my birthday weekend off; I fully believe she didn't care enough to try. And of course we ended up in an argument over some bullshit on my damn birthday.
We got drunk a bit that night of my birthday because again she had to work. I gave her some grace for being tired and having to work in the morning. But at the same time it was still my birthday. We of course made plans to be grown she told me to wake her up blah blah blah. So I attempted to do what she asked, she kind of clammed and got startled, so because she told me she had been sexually assaulted before (also important information) I pulled away and just turned over. My feelings were hurt simply because even though I was appreciative of her doing the best she could I did want some intimate time with her because we were lacking that and I felt my birthday should've for certain been a time to lean into that.
Some time goes by and she rolls over to me and attempts to cuddle me and I believe initiate sex. By this time my feelings were hurt and I didn't want to anymore so I did stop her and rolled over. While she was asleep I continued to check my notifications on Twitter responding to everyone who told me happy birthday. I posted pictures of me in a dress that showed all my curves and edges. A random follower complimented my body and gave me this BEAUTIFUL compliment; one I genuinely had never received before because my partner at the time never complimented me, only tore me down. After I put my phone down I began attempting to please my damn self. Fire eventually woke up and instead of turning over to me, she got on her phone, got on Twitter, and made a big ass deal about the stranger complimenting me and me saying it was ONE OF the best compliments I've ever received. She caused an argument on my birthday because of her own insecurity.
She said I said some really mean things when we got into it and I don't discredit that. I was drunk and angry and I might have. Yet, despite me not remembering I still apologized because if something I said hurt her feelings then that's valid and I will take responsibility for that. Do you think she ever apologized for ruining my birthday? Not that I can remember. We had therapy the following week in which our therapist said her getting upset about the compliment was scapegoat for something else.
Shortly after she goes back home for a festival to then learn her father passed away February 18th. We handle that as we can. She returns back to Houston and I embrace her with love. She already struggles with acting on emotion and taking it out on other people so I already knew what to expect now that grief had entered the chat. And exactly what I thought was going to happen, happened.
Again, I was back looking for work. She kept giving me all kinds of ultimatums and deadlines as if I was intentionally not getting a job. I could not make those people hire me. I remember we went to campus one day, she was in class and I was getting work done in the same building in the graduate student lounge. She said we were going to go get Dunkin after she got out of class. When she got out she said she didn't want to anymore she'll just make something at the house. Me, I agreed either way because I don't believe in trying to spend other people's money when they have decided they don't want to. This was regular in the relationship. I barely ever asked her for any money or anything at all BECAUSE I knew the financial situations we were in. Anything she ever did I was beyond grateful for and appreciative of.
We returned to the house and she was relaxing before having to go back to class or go to work. She then mentioned that she paid something and had like $50 left so let her know what I wanted to eat and she would order it. We agreed on me ordering Whataburger. Whataburger on Doordash costs about $17 including tip. I let her know how much it costs. Do you know she flipped out on me and told me I was inconsiderate for ordering something that was almost $20 when she just let me know she only had like $50 to her name. I was so confused on why this was an issue when she was the one who offered. I sent her back her $20 and just got the food my damn self. If you didn't want to do it don't fucking offer it. Again, I tried to be sympathetic to the fact she was grieving but I wasn't about to let her take it out on me especially when I did absolutely nothing to her.
Fast forward, March 11th comes. She comes home from work or something. She falls asleep in the room and leaves her phone and other stuff in the living room. I see she's more than likely out for the night so I begin to shut everything down. While I was in the living room I got another itch to check her phone for me to see she had been conversing with the girl she originally cheated on me with since January. Keep in mind, we were in therapy starting January.
A shooting happened in February in our complex and I told her about it. She told the lil bitch about it and the hoe gon say "I'm not the biggest fan of her but I'm glad she's okay." I could've found where that hoe lived right there and went to go whoop her ass. Fire barely checked her on it. The most she said was "I could've lost someone who I care about so...something something something." and proceeded to keep talking to the bitch. MIND YOU this girl has a FRESH baby at the time. I mean placenta juices BARELY scrubbed off the child and you're back entertaining my ex....weird. After Fire's father passed away she did tell the girl she has to focus on her family & relationship and the girl should do the same. The only reason I ended up finding these messages is because the girl texted her the day before and I then found the deleted messages. I. Flipped. Out.
This is when I finally had the strength and courage not just to end the relationship but STAND on ending the relationship. I was beyond tired. I couldn't take it anymore. I finally fucking left though I have been living here still ever since because I could not afford to leave. That same weekend of March 17th Fire had a conference to go to for her organization. That same weekend she met the girl she is NOW involved with. I knew when I first saw their messages she had intentions of pursuing her; I know my ex's patterns. She doesn't know how to be alone. She went from her ex from 2021, to pursuing Crab, to dating me while ending things with Crab, to now pursuing let's call her Goat while still living with me.
Of course months after ending things my feelings were still hurt. I was just so tired. We agreed that I would take the living room and she takes the room but not until she sent me my half for the mattress. I'm not gonna lie that wasn't that serious and I was absolutely being petty. She ended up sleeping in the living room for a while and I was in the room. She decided to randomly send me the $300 one day in May but didn't say anything about being ready to make the arrangements. We had gotten into an argument and she mentioned doing so. I woke the next morning and told her at the BEGINNING of my message do no touch anything that belongs to me in the room and don't make any arrangements without me. After coming home from a lovely day at work I come to see the entire apartment flipped upside down. She began to move everything already without me here even after I told her not to without me present.
I. Flipped. Out. Because I wanted to be present to move stuff around and I already set the boundary. She had the audacity to say she didn't see that part of the message [but keep in mind she responded to every other part of that message; I call bullshit]. It just didn't make sense to do something WE agreed on without me. I ended up calling my mother to calm me down so I didn't bug out on her the way I really wanted to. While I was on the phone with my mother she disrespected me. Because I ended up slamming her door she came out screaming saying if I slam the door again she would beat my ass. And I'll be honest I wanted to do it again cause I dared her BUT then I would've become the aggressor for provoking her. This however wasn't her first time threatening to beat my ass.
I had learned that she told Crab she ended the relationship in December and I want to know how when we were definitely spending Christmas together. I also learned she lied about a lot. She lied and told me her name was this long 4 part name and when I saw the first piece of mail, the only truth in that was the first and last name she told me; everything in-between was a lie. She told me she was born in the Dominican Republic because her mom went on vacation, had her a grand ol time, got pregnant, and birthed her there. Which didn't make sense because you're telling me she went BACK to the DR just to have you...? On top of that she told me her father, the man her mom allegedly met in DR, was locked up in DR on mob charges. The man in question she told me was her father was actually her biological father's brother and that man was very much present in the United States, not in jail, speaking at her biological father's funeral.
She omitted that she had Crab's name tattooed on her and when I brought it up as an issue she pushed back on it because of the story behind it. I said that was fair but it is still off putting that you have someone who you were romantically involved with visibly tattooed on you while in a new relationship. Just like she still has her ex from 2021 tattooed on her ankle. She told me that specific ex sexually assaulted her, got her drunk, and made her get that tattoo in somebody's basement. The whole time she voluntarily went and got that girl's name tattooed. She has lied on me to her line sisters when we were supposed to go out to eat with them but she was upset they didn't offer to come get us because at the time we didn't have a car and I had gotten off work a little late, so she was waiting for me to get off. She then told her line sisters she couldn't come because EYE wanted her to stay in and be a girlfriend and she didn't want to she wanted to be outside, and if not this specific situation, some other situation. When she was telling me about this I SPECIFICALLY said just be honest with them and say you can't make it; you don't have to explain why just don't use me and she did it anyway. She even lied and told the girl she's dealing with now, back in March that the reason she would be so tired is because she would get up at 4 a.m. to go to the gym. I live with her; she hasn't been to the gym since WE had been to the gym together and that was back in...November maybe? So I imagine the other lies she's told this girl.
Living with her since breaking up with her has been hell on wheels. And the main reason why I haven't left yet is because when I started my previous job I also started my new disability claim. I didn't want to use the money from my job to move and mess my claim up AGAIN. That will be my ticket out to be able to leave AND keep myself financially secure so I don't run into the same financial issues again. I did start therapy in April with a school counselor and once the semester ended, because I decided to transfer schools, I had to seek therapy elsewhere which I now receive through the VA.
I ended up having to leave my most recent position because I was driving for work and I already have [confirmed and diagnosed] PTSD from a car accident on top of the PTSD from my time in service on TOP of the PTSD I've experienced from the relationship. I was intended to have a different position lined up however, that unfortunately did not go as planned. Through September I have been in a major financial hole which of course has caused issues between us. I have been stressed and depressed trying to find all of the ways in which I can get a new job or come up with money so that I don't have to deal with her lack of emotional regulation. Meanwhile, that has been the case. I continue to tell her that her feelings of frustration behind having to be the financial weight again is frustrating but I won't tolerate her talking to me crazy.
She continues to tell me the same old lie like she did when we were together that she knows she needs to stop taking her feelings and anger out on people [me] and she's working on that. I've been hearing that for over a year now and nothing has changed. So if you've seen my "Restaurant with a Bachelor's Degree" merch she is also why that exists. We got into an argument about how I've had financial issues and stability issues before meeting her. And I let her know yes, I'm aware of that, which is why before meeting you I had plans of getting myself back. I was going to have a job while I waited on disability. That is when she decided to tell me "yea at a restaurant with a bachelors degree" [the one I got 4 years ago during COVID in the Sport industry, mind you] and I told her, at least I have one, get hers first. She is going on year 9 of working on her Bachelor's which there is nothing wrong with taking a while to finish your degree but what you will NOT do is try to clown me when you're still working for something I received FOUR years ago and CHOSE not to work in that industry. She proceeded to tell me she's on track to graduate and I need to get one that's profitable. Keep in mind, I'm in a Master of Science in Forensic Psychology program scheduled to graduate April 2026. So like...?
She also keeps saying she's been paying all the bills by herself and that is a bold face lie otherwise we would have BEEN gotten evicted. Like I stated, from December 2022-April 2023 I was unemployed and actively job searching. We didn't have a car and I had to consider public transportation when looking for a job. When I worked at Kroger I was only making $14/hr and that was generous because I initially got offered $12/hr. She was making $16/hr PLUS her drill paychecks. We had made arrangements for how to do payments to make sure realistic weight was being pulled. Again, I got fired, but still had money coming in, which I helped when needed. She told me for September and October 2023 bills SHE had them all covered. I had more than enough money to help but she told me not to. November I paid the entire rent so she could get the car and in December I paid my half. January 2024 I believe was the only month I was unable to help in any way due to not being in school in December and still job searching. I took from my funds I was saving to help with February. I can't remember if I ended up helping with March bills since I didn't get the thing I wanted. And I haven't missed a bill since up until September 2024.
You've probably gotten to this point saying you'd never deal with something like this and all of the ways you would have handled this differently. Looking back there are definitely times I wish I would've had the strength and courage to leave earlier but truth be told I was absolutely terrified. If I was not doing what she wanted me to aka turning a blind eye to her disrespect and not holding her accountable she turned into someone extremely scary. I never understood how she would treat me like I'm wrong for catching her in her lies and disrespect. The person she told me she was stopped matching with the person she showed me she was and by this point I was in way too deep and entirely too scared to do anything. I wasn't sure what to do and I don't have any family and barely any friends in Houston who could've helped me get out of the situation.
Looking back I recognize her behaviors were because she didn't want to be in the relationship anymore and instead of being an adult and communicating that she decided to run me away by traumatizing me and disrespecting me. She has told me I had no sex appeal. She told me I couldn't dress, despite me being comfortable in what I wore. She continuously threw my financial situations in my face. The way she has acted towards me you'd never suspect we were ever in a relationship by the way she disrespects and talks about me. Months ago it was disheartening, but now that I've been in therapy and healing from this I recognized this is just her character and has been all along.
She did well keeping her mask up until she couldn't. She probably never expected me to find out about all of her lies and deceit. Even one time I confronted her about all the lies I learned about her and she told me she'd rather have conversations with me in person because I was too policey. Not once has she ever denied anything I've called her out about regarding her lies. She just told me I was the problem.
Through the months of still living with her she has threatened to sue me for harassment all because I confronted her on lying about breaking up with me in December and lying saying she was facing an eviction despite me having JUST sent her my half for rent. If you ever try to hold her accountable for anything she says or does, especially if she doesn't like you, I promise you will become the problem despite her being in the wrong.
Four therapists have confirmed she's abusive: physically, verbally, emotionally, and somewhat financially. They've also confirmed the potential of narcissistic abuse. I wish I could insert screenshots of everything she's ever said to me but replaying everything just to write this has been a lot on its own.
So you're probably wondering what the point of this was. It was merely to tell my story and to get it out so I can completely let go. I've always felt like continuing to talk about it kept me victimized BUT letting it go felt like she won. My therapist said continuing to stay victimized IS what's gonna make her win. I also did this to take my power back, use the voice I never had in the relationship, and use this story to empower not just myself but anyone else who may have gone through anything similar.
These are just all of the details I can vividly remember; I guarantee there is more to this story to add if I were to scrub our messages. But I've already recalled enough pain and I just want to move forward. Whatever she says about me or says happened, believe it. I know the truth of what happened and I don't care to clear anything else up beyond this point.
This story is not my end all be all. If anything this is the catalyst of my new beginning. This is the story of how "Pain Into Purpose" came about.
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